Quarterlife Crisis...The Beginning

I'm in the midst of a quarter life crisis. A year ago today my life dramatically changed. This date, one year ago, I thought. No I truly, honestly, believed that I would never be happy again. I felt that life had gone my way for so long and that the life I had built was so perfect, I had been so happy. All the lego pieces fit into each other perfectly and I was happy. But then everything crumbled...and I believed that life had finally caught up to me, it was the end of my youth of my happiness and that I had to accept this new life of mine, where I would be miserable. That's just the way it was suppose to be and I just had to suck it up and carry on.

What happened this day one year ago was actually suppose to be a wonderful step forward. I had just received an amazing promotion. One that few my age would have ever received at my profession. Everything that came with it-the perks, the prestige, the money was all anyone could ask for. I had worked hard for this promotion. For five years I worked as hard as I could, I not only showed up to meetings, but I really showed up. I participated in professional development that I didn't have to, I always went the extra mile, I said the right things at the right time, I smiled, I never complained, I supported, I praised. I was the perfect employee.

I felt strong last year. I started running, something I would have never imagined I could ever do. I even signed up and completed three races.

My love life was also great. I was married to a wonderful man, had been for four years, been together with him for eight years. I was lucky to have found the love of my life and expect for a few small bumps, had built an amazing life with him.

I had it all. Great job, financial security, wonderful husband, athletic goals achieved. I was chugging through my twenties on the smoothest road possible. Looking in for the outside, people thought I had it all. Dang, I thought I had it all.

But then my life fell apart...

I fell apart....

I died. I felt like I was dying. And looking back, I see that on this day, my perfect life, that I thought was perfect, vanished.

It was like a tornado came through and whipped through my heart. Shook up my core, swirled everything around, and left. And my body was left to pick of the pieces of this severely scattered heart and somehow figure out what to do next.

What was next was what's happened this past year. It was to pick those pieces up and put them together somehow. I've worked hard this past year. I've picked up the pieces alright, haphazardly arranged them together and ducked taped the entire mess just barley into place.

But that's where I'm at. Still a lot of work to do.

I sit here. One year later in this state of numbness. Yes, I'm functioning--eating, moving about, talking to others, which is much progress made. But numb. Confused. Uncertain. Emotionless, but emotional at the same time. Looking for signs around me. Waiting for something to throw me a rope.

My first year of my quarter life crisis has come and gone. And I feel like it's only just the beginning....